Am I on the air?

The worst thing about talk radio is that they take phone calls. The guy who calls a talk radio show in the middle of the afternoon is a guy with nothing better to do. I don’t care about that guy’s opinion on Hugo Chavez.

Call me crazy, but I’d rather hear the opinion of an expert than that of Dave in Topeka.

And why does every call begin with: “Hi, how are you?”

Can’t the call screeners say, “Before you ask, I want you to know that Dianne Rehm and her guests are just fine. So don’t ask. And thank ME for taking your call, not THEM.”

Recently I heard a guy call NPR and say that he thought that “humans are basically a selfish species.” Compared to… the generosity displayed by cheetahs? The outreach programs championed by zebras? These are the kinds of insights you get from talk-radio callers.

The only people with more self-important and less informed opinions are bloggers.

Christmas Break Revelations

I am back from Christmas break, and I’m quite a bit less enthusiastic about starting a new semester than I had hoped. Christmas break was not a total bust, however. I came to several important realizations:

1)There is nothing as tired as laments about how Christmas used to be pure.
2)I can wrap the hell out of a present. The trick, I found, is cutting the paper in a straight line (using a contraption called scissors). Also no duct tape.
3)Who thought deodorant gift packs were a good idea?
4)New Years is WAY better now that I’m married. I never wanted to go out and party when I was single, but I felt obligated. (Flip side: Valentines).

Motor Cortex for Sale (as is)

The motor cortex is the part of the brain responsible for movement. When you go to sleep, the motor cortex is inactive so that you can dream about doing stuff without physically doing it. When you wake up, the motor cortex becomes active and your body again responds to directions.

My brain did not get this memo.

Occasionally I wake up before my motor cortex becomes active. The result is that I’m awake but paralyzed for several seconds (called sleep paralysis). It’s extremely unpleasant.

The other side of this is that sometimes my motor cortex is active when it shouldn’t be. Last night, for example. I had a dream that some villains at the local Ford/Mercury dealer stole my truck (I don’t have a truck, but maybe this is a sign?). I was on a mission to get my truck back, and I had to lay waste to a bunch of guys in the process. Only the recipient of my awesome karate kicks turned out to be my sleeping wife—and not for the first time.

Brains are cool, and mine has proven pretty useful. This is not to say I don’t have any complaints about mine. And I’m pretty sure Deb would prefer my vengeful swath of destruction remain isolated to my brain.

I lied to my shins

I have been doing a little jogging in the morning, and it hurts. My knees hurt, my shins hurt, and my feet hurt. I have had the same pair of running shoes for a while, so I just bought a new pair of Asics Nimbus shoes to reduce the pain.

Apparently 250 pounds X 2 miles just does not lend itself to the feeling of running on clouds.

Skepticism

Daryl Bem just published an article in the very prestigious Journal of Personality and Social Psychology in support of the phenomenon of precognition (people reacting to things--in a small way—before being exposed to them). That’s right: there is empirical support for spidey-sense.

I have seen too many experimental and data-analytic shenanigans not to be skeptical of the findings. I have always been a skeptic, and my experience as a researcher has only made me more skeptical of science. I think that’s the way it should be.

But my experience is contrary to the current trend. I think scientists are becoming increasingly gullible and less skeptical. Reasonable people disagree on important questions, but what I don’t understand is the deep and abiding faith of supposed skeptics. A scientist states that the earth is getting warmer, and other scientists (and journalists) tamely accept that the world is coming to an end. Or someone says that there is no room for God in science, and people conclude that God must not exist. I understand that reasonable people disagree on these things; what bothers me is the absolute certainty espoused by people who consider themselves skeptics. The biggest difference between religious people and scientists is that religious people acknowledge they rely on faith.

This is why I am glad that the spidey-sense paper was published. It’s the position of a skeptic that we don’t know everything about psychology and the nature of the universe, and that stuff like precognition could occur.

(Although I doubt it does.)

Negotiation 101

In class today a student asked if I would consider canceling next Tuesday's class. Next week is Thanksgiving, so I assume he wanted to leave town earlier that he otherwise would. The other students were definitely on board. So I asked: What's in it for me?

After a few lame offers, I made my demands. The students were to bring something with bacon and something sweet to this Thursday's class. Then I'd cancel class next Tuesday.

We're having breakfast burritos and snicker-doodles.

I'm partly proud and partly ashamed to admit that I was planning on canceling that class anyway.

Who is Hannah Nakerson? The sequel

After the initial exchange of emails (below), the recipient/victim forwarded me her emails in the spirit of "these kids today". (He sent them to the real me, not the illiterate and unstable female me).

Tee hee! I said that her remarks about Vitamin D might constitute slander.

A day later I received another email from him:

I just looked up Nakerson in the FSU directory and there's no one listed as an FSU student with that last name, except there was a footnote to Tyler Stillman :)

Game over. Next was a graduate student who taught the same class as I.

DEER ________ I DON'T KNOW U VERY WELL BUT I CAME TO YOOUR LAB BY ACCIDENT AND I LOVED YOUR CLASS SOOO MUCH. I HAVE NOT GONE TO MY LAB INSTRUCTORS CLASS VERY MUCH THIS SEMSTER BECAUSE HE WAS SO MUCH NOT AS GOOD AS YOU. HE WAS RUDE AND MADE ME DO THINGS. DO U THINK U CAN GIVE ME CREDDIT FOR GOING TO YOUR CLASS INSTEAD? I LOVE YOU SO MUCH THANKS SO SO MUCH. TELL ME ASAP!!!

Hannah Nakerson

Hannah,
I do not know you nor can I speak to your class attendance. Please contact you professor for the class regarding this matter.

I expected more entertainment value from her. Next!

MR. (female instructor)

I DID YOU'RE STUDY AND I NEVER GOTS NO CREDITS NOW I NEED TO DO MANY CREDITS AS PUNISHMENT CAN YOU GIVE ME A BREAK HEAR ? I WAITED FOR OVER 4 HOURS AND NO ONE CAME I AM STILL WAITING HERE FOR SOMEONE TO TELL ME WHAT 2 DO.

HANNAH

Hi Hannah,

This is the first I've heard of your situation. I'll be happy to work with you but I'll need to know the name of the study, as well as the date and time you were scheduled to participate.

Cheers,

________

I didn’t realize she was a freaking Zen master. I had to step it up:

WELL THANKS SO MUCH BUT HOW DO I FIND OUT SUCH INFORMATIONS? THIS IS NO WAY TO TREAT A FUTURE LEADER OF THE TEE PARTY MOVEMENT.

Hi Hannah,

Follow these instructions…

(instructions)

Hope this helps,

__________

Wow. If this is how a good person responds--and I think it is--I am not a good person.