art show

Apparently there is a reality show on Bravo in which artists compete with each other. I know this because I saw an advertisement for it, featuring a guy who painted mutilated genitals in the shape of the Mickey Mouse logo.

Here's the script:
1. Artist tries really hard to be offensive.
2. People are offended.
3. Artist publicly claims he is misunderstood.
4. Artist privately celebrates that his work is getting attention.

We get it, artists. You are all independent thinkers, as demonstrated by your many tattoos. You are cutting-edge. And controversial. And opposed to the policies of the Bush administration. And mad at Daddy. We get it.

Me = 1, State of Florida = 0

When I learned that I would be moving out of Florida, I realized I could park anywhere--at least for a while. The last month in Tallahassee, I established quite a collection of parking tickets. I never parked in a handicapped zone, because that's not cool. But I did park on a Manatee's face once.

He had it comin'.

I'm out of Florida now, and it's a good thing-- one more and I would have been impounded. The bottom line is that I WIN.

Goodbye Tallahassee

Six years ago I jammed all of my stuff into a tiny Saturn and drove from Utah to Tallahassee. I lived alone (except for my Xbox) in a total dump. I thought I had it good.

I'm leaving tomorrow in a very different fashion. I have a wife and two kids, and a house full of furniture. Our truck will be filled with old diaper boxes we've packed full of stuff. I know what a duvet is. I know what throw-pillows are. Worse: I care what they look like. My stomach is bigger and my arms are smaller (but my lungs and liver are probably in better shape).

Sure, I got a degree while I was here, but the biggest change: I've been domesticated.

thank you, trial lawyers

My neighbor is a bit of a strange guy. But we both love our gardens, so we always have something to talk about. (Though I'm pretty sure he does some indoor gardening of dubious legality). He's normally awkwardly polite, but today he was extremely eager to talk to me. He rarely smiles because he is missing most of his upper teeth (no, really). Today he was all grins. Why?

Guy: I got some good news.

Me: What's up?

Guy: I got run over by a truck. Look at my leg.

Me: Eww. It looks like you got run over by a truck.

Guy: I'm fixin' to get paid!