Football is like soccer, except things happen.
Football is a man’s game, whereas soccer players act like delicate 9-year-old girls. If a football player is pushed, he pushes back. If a soccer player gets pushed, he whips up some tears—to the delight of fans. Soccer teams actually recruit new players on the basis of their ability to cry on cue. Or so I’ve heard.
And baseball? The most impressive feat in baseball is a no-hitter. That’s right: nothing happens and people can’t shut up about it.
Stuff does happen in basketball. Guys score constantly. How excited can you be when a guy adds two points to 50? To 100? Not very. The only reason to watch basketball is Blake Griffin, and it’s obvious that guy is really a football player.
